"I mean, people lie. I lied a lot. Told my dad I was going to go gather shells at the beach."
Ebby kept running her hand across Ishvi's feathers. They were soft and it reminded her of the time she had caught an injured seagull as a kid. She remembered snapping its neck. Putting it out of its misery. Her eyes flicked up to Ishvi's face, seeing a similar anguish. "But I wasn't. I was going to go murder someone. Not every time was a lie, but enough."
Stepping away from Ishvi, assuming she had touched him too much at that point, Ebby looked out to the ocean for a minute. "People are too forgiving here. And I can kill anyone I want, as long as they tell me I can. It feels empty. At least... I don't know. There's too many things and I don't know what I should be doing."
Murder didn't bother him. It probably should have. Ishvi felt some guilt that it didn't, but Phoebe didn't feel guilty, or he couldn't tell if she did, and other than being illegal was it really so different from execution or war? They'd learned from the Bible at home, warped and twisted by the archangels, though Ishvi didn't know this. All killing wasn't wrong. And even things that were sins... People did them and no one else cared. Still he wasn't ready to fall, even if he was willing to do things he hadn't before. The half-angel was becoming just a little less careful. He wondered what it was like to kill... or die, but he wasn't ready to ask.
"Death is rarely permanent for a lot of people here. You can't do what you used to... scare them... or free them..." He trailed off with a troubled look. Vaguely uneasy and struggling to articulate his thoughts. His wings shook, and if he wasn't already shifted, he might've been close to doing it anyway.
"I don't think I can help you - I don't know what I'm doing either. This place... I always just focused on work. Threw everything into proving myself to people who don't matter anymore. I've still got my job but..." he shrugged, "there's so much things I haven't done. I'm making friends now. I wonder what else I missed. Sounds like we both lost... I don't know... something."