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Finished First Session: Thabisa

Discussion in 'Student Life' started by EmiRose, May 4, 2019.

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  1. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    Of course it was gonna be therapy, that was what Thabisa had expected. And still she could already feel her hope pretty much draining away as she walked towards the office of this guy that was supposed to pick her brain. Well, many people had done it before, and it hadn't helped. No one had been able to explain why Thabisa was messed up, and their "methods" had never done anything. And now Thabisa was even more broken, she knew that, and honestly didn't think it was possible to do anything. Thabisa was done, messed up for life, crazy with no hope of recovery.
    But...
    This was a magic island, maybe they had some magic metho-
    Fuck, magic didn't work on Thabisa. Yup, her hopes were pretty much dead. But still Thabisa had to go. She had to sort out her options. She was so fucking sick and tired, Thabisa just wanted to try and do something, anything. Even if it was in vain.

    Thabisa was sketching the monsters from last night on her sketchbook, as she stalled outside this guy's office, waiting until the clock was exactly the time this thing was supposed to happen.There hadn't been a panic attack tonight, but Thabisa had seen Risky torn in half by a monster with way too many teeth to be anything but inconvenient. Well, that thought had only come to Thabisa's head after she woke up in cold sweat, during the nightmare she had just screamed at the top of her lungs. From both anger and horror.
    Thabisa squeezed the pen a bit harder, as she finished sketching said teeth monster, and just in time too. It was time. Thabisa huffed, and put her sketchbook in her pocket dimension. And she opened the door to this guy's office, on her face her usual small cocky smile.


    @Romi
     
  2. Romi
    Romi

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    Valli was already on the way to open the door and check if his next patient was outside when Thabisa opened the door, and he stopped short where he was, momentarily surprised before he caught himself and took a step back.

    "You must be my two o'clock," he said, waving an arm towards the couch. "Come in and take a seat where you like. I normally start with introductions and disclosures, and then you can pick where you'd like to start."

    He'd wait for her to take a seat, making sure the door was firmly closed, and then headed over to take a seat himself.

    "I'm not sure if anyone told you, but my name is Valli Bryndisarson. Valgarður, if you want to go for extra credit." It was an obvious joke, the smile on his face and his body language making that clear. "Before anything else, some disclosures. First, anything you say in here is absolutely confidential. I can only reveal what was said to me in the event that someone is in immediate danger. Otherwise, no matter what you say, it's just between us. Two, outside of the office I won't acknowledge you unless you acknowledge me first. I understand not everyone is open about their mental health care, and I have no intention of outing anyone. Three..."

    He paused for a moment, lips twitching into a smile.

    "I have a low level aura. You've probably already felt it's effects--it makes me look a bit more presentable than I otherwise would, but doesn't change your perception of me any more than a bit of time at a spa would."
     
  3. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    "That's me. I'm Thabisa, though you probably know that already."
    Thabisa answered to this guy, who had apparently gotten impatient since he had stood up from his chair, probably to check if his next patient had come.
    "Don't mind if I do."
    Thabisa said, trying to act all nonchalant and casual as she headed over to the couch and plopped down on it, lounging all relaxed. She was trying to seem like this now that she still could, since Thabisa was pretty sure she was going to get pretty serious pretty soon. That was what this place was for, right?

    "Extra credit? Please, I'm so dumb that's not going to save me."
    Thabisa joked right back with a small snicker, and after that waited for Valli to finish with those disclosures of his, it sounded all so professional and stiff. Different from all the therapists Thabisa had been to before. Those had mostly talked down to her, called her "sweetie" and then when Thabisa had described her nightmares to them their nice guy masks had fallen off and they had looked horrified, disgusted even. Thabisa wondered if that was going to happen now too.

    "Oh yeah, auras or any kind of magic and whatnot doesn't work on me, so I'm just seeing you all unfiltered. Warts and all."
    Thabisa smirked a bit at Valli, joking again, and now that he was done...was she just supposed to jump right into it? Well, guess so. This part was pretty familiar to Thabisa, though the last time she had been in this position was...Jesus Christ, almost 10 years ago.
    "Well, you said that I should just pick up from somewhere. The reason I'm here is because I'm pretty much crazy, and need help. Like, serious help. If I don't get it I'm pretty sure that I'm...I'm gonna break in a way that can't be fixed."
    That was a good place to start, plain and simple. And Thabisa looked at Valli, now with a more serious expression. Thabisa was much more self-aware than anyone who knew her would think.
     
  4. Romi
    Romi

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    "You probably have a better idea of how I look then I do, then," Valli pointed out. "As far as I can tell, my own aura works on myself, so when I look in a mirror I'm effected by it. You'd be one of the few who could see my clearly."

    He was amused by the thought, but let himself settle back in his chair to listen anyway as she explained.

    Or didn't explain, in his mind. People said they were crazy all the time, but without knowing the what and the why, it was hard to tell how serious it was.

    Either way, his smile faded into a look of seriousness as he leaned forward slightly.

    "So now you're here, seeking help. What makes you think you're crazy, exactly?"
     
  5. EmiRose
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    Thabisa hadn't explained why she was crazy for a reason, maybe because she just wanted to stall this, wanted to avoid the result she thought to be inevitable. Valli was going to be another one to say he couldn't help. But of course he asked, and Thabisa sighed a bit, and though she was still in a lounging position she was tense.

    "This isn't my first time on therapist's couch, you know."
    Thabisa began, starting this story a bit more different than when she had told it the last time.
    "Since I was a kid I was brought to all sorts of experts. To try and pick my brain for what was wrong with me. They could never help me."
    Thabisa wanted to establish this history first, inform Valli that she had probably seen it all before. And in a way she was informing him she believed this was going to end the same way.
    "As long as I can remember I've been seeing nightmares, ones that are really realistic. So realistic I can smell the blood and sometimes even feel the pain. Nightmares of monsters, all kinds of monsters, and every night they either chase me, or maul me, tear me apart, do the same things to people I know, or to me and people I know at the same time."
    Thabisa's voice was pretty steady, almost monotone, as she explained, but her hand slowly became a fist. She had the urge to draw, as she remembered what she was describing. She wanted to draw the monsters out, get them on page, immortalized and unmoving and at her mercy. They were much less horrifying like that.

    "So, that makes me say I'm crazy. Or at least well on my way to that. Since I think you can probably imagine what the nightmares I just described can do to a person when she sees them night after night after night."
    Thabisa looked at Valli with a small tired smirk.
     
  6. Romi
    Romi

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    She had been through this before. She had talked to therapists. Had heard their advice. Had probably been psycho-analyzed to hell and back. It gave him a good idea of what she'd been through, even without details. He got a lay of the land, an understanding of history. Traumatic nightmares. Monsters, eating her alive.

    Valli had one advantage those who came before him didn't, though, and he leaned back in his chair slightly, pondering it before finally speaking.

    "Have you ruled out non-psychological causes?"
     
  7. EmiRose
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    #7 EmiRose, May 5, 2019
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
    Thabisa had expected Valli to react in many ways, but the reaction he ended up with was the one Thabisa had not predicted. She looked at Valli, very confused and frowning, sitting up straight on the couch.
    "What do you mean 'non-psychological causes'? You mean, like, magic or some shit? I was a normal ass human before, no powers or anything, it's not possible."
     
  8. Romi
    Romi

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    Valli had been working on the island for more than a decade, and as a result he'd seen a lot. Many of his patients were new to the island. Plenty of them had seen mental health care before. For him, the largest warning sign was when someone came to him with very typical symptoms, claiming to have seen multiple professionals in the past, and yet having absolutely no relief from their symptoms.

    "Non-psychological causes encompasses both physical changes--I can't therapy your way through a brain tumor, although I've tried at least once before--and magical changes. I once had a patient with a story not unlike yours. They were from the narrow reality. They'd had problems almost their whole life. They'd had hallucinations, but no amount of drugs would help them. They were..." He paused for a moment, his eyes drifting as he remembered. "They were on three kinds of medications when they came to me. For a refill, you see, even if it wasn't helping. They were just used to it. I had to wean them off them and send them to a power adviser, because it turned out their third eye had been open the whole time. Hallucinations, to a society that doesn't know or understand magic or spiritual ends."

    He thought it was a good example, and it was one he leaned back on regularly. In the narrow reality, you had to rule out physical causes. For him, he had to rule out magical ones, and that was often much harder to do.

    "The possibility exists that the nightmares are psychological in nature. However, considering you said this started in childhood, with no clear causes, and has continued to remain as strong and vivid despite multiple professionals, I would lean towards a magical cause. That would include things like curses, or the effect of a supernatural being that inflicts nightmares."
     
  9. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    Brain tumor. Yeah, Thabisa had been checked for those too, and considering medical science was probably better than now in the future Thabisa didn't want to go through those examinations anymore. In her memory they had been painful. But what Valli was explaining was messing with Thabisa's head, with the way she saw herself. Her whole life she had been told she was crazy, and that there was no helping her. And suddenly this guy was telling Thabisa the blame wasn't in her? That made her feel so many different things, and Thabisa's frowned became deeper and deeper as Valli explained further. It was now obvious that she was confused, and Thabisa began staring at the floor.

    "No, it's just not- No. I have to be crazy. I have to be, if I'm not, if it's just some magical..bullshit..."
    Thabisa's voice trailed off, as her brain was going way too fast for her mouth to go along. Her eyes were unsteady, as million thoughts went through her head. How had she not thought about this? But it wasn't possible, magic didn't work on Thabisa. Wouldn't the nightmares have stopped after she got the gems? And what if it was? That just meant it was hopeless. Magic didn't work on Thabisa, she couldn't be healed or something. And it was...just...
    "It's too easy, it should be my fault, something in me, I shouldn't be able to just blame it on something magical. I got to pay my dues, I got to suffer and work my ass off to fix this, otherwise it's just...it's unfair!"
    Thabisa didn't even know if she made sense anymore, her whole mind was in the middle of trying to reform, and it was starting to hurt. Thabisa had a monster headache now, and she brought a hand to her temple and rubbed it, still frowning.
     
  10. Romi
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    That was a whole suitcase to unpack, wasn't it? But it wasn't unfamiliar either. The idea that they had to be mentally ill. That they had to pay their dues. The frustration of it, of internalizing all the things that had been said over a lifetime only to find out that none of them applied.

    Or maybe didn't.

    "I wouldn't say that spending a lifetime struggling with something like this is too easy." Valli pointed out. She was scrambling, and the best he could do was slowly work through it all, bit by bit. "Let me put it this way... if you were stabbed in the leg, you wouldn't be 'blaming it on the knife' if you asked someone to remove it, would you? Mental health care is the same way. People like to treat it like it's something completely different and esoteric, but in many ways it has direct parallels to physical health care."
     


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