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Private Finished Dark By The Water

Discussion in 'The Pacific' started by EmiRose, Jun 13, 2018.

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  1. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    The ocean was a bit scary. Jacota had thought that the moment he had seen it from the airplane's window as they had brought him to the island. Well, everything during those moments had been scary. The people, the noise, every slightest movement. Not that Jacota would ever admit it to anyone.
    But now Jacota wasn't scared. He had been on the island for few months and had grown accustomed, mostly, to the strangeness. Just understanding normal humans had caused Jacota trouble but trying to understand supernatural creatures was near impossible, although Jacota was one himself. His nightmare form, in which he was at the moment, was proof enough.
    Jacota was moving admist the trees and occasionally traveled from one shadow to another. Lately he had spent his nights wandering around the woods, exploring and occasionally looking for company. Jacota didn't consider himself timid, just cautious, and that side of him had prevented him from exploring earlier.
    But the woods were nice. It was quiet in a very noisy way. Jacota could hear, smell and feel all the movement and life in the environment and it was very relaxing to know near nothing around him was a threat. In the city any sound could mean danger and you could never lower your guard, and that was very tiring. But now Jacota happily sniffed around in the moonlit forest and couldn't see that his tail was wagging.
    Suddenly Jacota could hear waves and the ocean. He turned his head towards the sound and sniffed. The shore wasn't far. Jacota's ears pressed down a little but he started a determined jog towards the waterfront. Jacota didn't want to be scared anymore, he would cautiosly go see the ocean and not get too close. But he would go see it.
    Jacota traveled from a shadow to a one closest to the ocean and found himself right next to the treeline, by a beach. Jacota stood there for a moment in the shadows and took in the ocean. It was...so very big. Jacota knew he had a person's brain and intelligence but despite that he felt like his canine brain couldn't wrap itself around the hugeness of the ocean. He sniffed warily, it was a very salty scent. But somehow...refreshing.
    Jacota stepped out of the shadows into the dimly lit beach. He sat down onto the sand and took a deep breath. Jacota looked up at the moon and felt like howling a bit. It was a strange urge, not an instinct per se. Jacota just felt like it. He tilted his snout towards the sky and started a low, somehow melancholy howl. He kept going, getting into it and letting his memories flow over him. They came out of nowhere but suddenly Jacota could see flashes of his childhood, the childhood he had spent as a person. The memories didn't feel like they were his, they felt separate. And the only memories that felt like his were the one where he shifted in the playground, and the one where his parents...
    The howl sounded like crying now, it had sorrow mixed into it, and if nightmares could cry Jacota would have tears in his eyes.

    @Boop
     
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  2. Boop
    Boop

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    His mind was foggy and dark. Exhausted in a way that the limited sleep he was getting only seemed to make worse. There were few things that made him feel better anymore, fighting a losing fight against a suffocating cloud that had already cost him a friendship, his job, and his tongue. And Ishvi was falling, drowning, though only angels could see the first and he was doing his best to hide the second.

    Since his duel, he'd mostly avoided the woods, even though their sounds and solitude had calmed him before. They had too many memories, another piece of comfort he'd lost. So he came to the water - not because it made him happy, but because it was somewhere that matched his mood. He could practice throwing a dagger that burned him, push himself flying over the ocean, let himself be pushed around by waves when he let himself fall into the water too tired to fly and barely strong enough to swim back.

    The sound of howling at the water nearly made him turn back. This was a private place for Ishvi, and he didn't want a stranger intruding on his grief. But then the tone of it changed, and the sorrow called to his own. Someone else was hurting - he had to help them. Carefully, slipping his dagger into his hand, Ishvi crept closer to see if the howler was being attacked. It was painful to hold, but he was sure he could still throw it if needed.

    When he got close enough to see the shadowy dog was alone, Ishvi felt bad for interrupting. Keeping the dagger in hand just in case, though it was really starting to hurt, he made a few soft wordless sounds. He hoped the dog would be able to see him. He didn't recognize that it was Jacota, but was guessing whoever it was wasn't just a normal dog.
     
  3. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    Jacota kept howling for a while, until he let it gradually die down and finally end. Jacota's chest felt empty and though he didn't basically need to breathe in this form it was hard to take breaths. The sorrow felt overwhelming and Jacota let out a long quiet whine that the wind caught and took along with it.
    But as Jacota heard a sound that didn't belong in these surroundings all those feelings were pushed aside by alert and fear. Jacota stood up quickly and spun around in a split second, scanning the environment for danger. Where was the danger? Run? Fight? A small growl escaped Jacota's throat.
    He saw a human form and didn't immediately recognize it as Ishvi. Jacota froze and observed the possible threat, his eyes glowing in the dark. His glowing teeth were still concealed by the shadowy lips.
    But then the wind blew in a different angle and brought a familiar scent to Jacota's nose. Well, familiar enough for Jacota to relax and straighten from the stalking position he had been in. It was Ishvi. A new acquaintance that Jacota had quickly taken a liking to. Jacota's tail wagged outside his will and he started jogging towards Ishvi, forgetting he was in nightmare form and that Ishvi might not recognize him. Jacota had seen Ishvi's nightmare form before, and was not frightened or even surprised by it. On the contrary, it brought him some pleasant memories about him and Jacota's father being outside together after sunset, both as nightmares.
    As Jacota got closer he would let out a small bark as hello, his tail still wagging and ears perky.
     
  4. Boop
    Boop

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    #4 Boop, Jun 13, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
    It was a measure of how distressed Ishvi was lately that he'd shifted so easily into his nightmare form at the howling. His control was getting worse - he couldn't stop himself from flickering throughout the day at even a slight mood dip, from shifting in his sleep. And he wasn't sure if it was because he was constantly in such a negative state that it just didn't take as much to make him shift, or if it was the vaccine, or because his angel side was weakened by falling, or even a combination.

    Either way, it caught him a bit off guard when he realized he was in that form, and he curled his wings around himself uncomfortably. Even if he didn't recognize the shadow dog, he still felt ashamed whenever he was seen like this, especially since the half-angel believed it showed how weak he was.

    When the dog started towards him, tail wagging, Ishvi lowered his dagger. He could see well enough that the dog was friendly, and the fact it was made of darkness didn't phase him at all. The only reason he didn't sheathe the dagger was because his clothes shifted with him, so he had nowhere to put it. His arm was noticeably shivering from the pain now, that would only worsen the longer he held on.

    Too drained to attempt a smile, even to comfort the poor thing, Ishvi wished he could speak. Instead he made what he hoped were soft, soothing sounds. Being tongueless didn't mean he couldn't make noise, just that any words were unintelligible. He reached for his phone, then realized he didn't have it on him. He hadn't expected to shift so suddenly and it was still in his pocket.

    Crouching down, he wrote in the sand with his finger, hoping the dog could read. "Can't talk. You okay?" As soon as he calmed down enough, he planned to grab his phone, but this would have to do for now.
     
  5. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    #5 EmiRose, Jun 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
    As he got closer Jacota noted how Ishvi seemed uncomfortable, curling his wings around himself. He also noticed the dagger and tensed a bit, though he was pretty sure Ishvi wouldn't hurt him. But you never knew, weapons meant danger.
    Jacota slowed down a bit, thinking Ishvi's state was his fault. He realized Ishvi hadn't seen Jacota in this form yet, was it strange? Jacota whined a bit silently, debating if he should not go any closer. He had stopped a meter or so away from Ishvi, shifting his paws a bit.

    But as Ishvi started making soothing sounds Jacota slowly crept closer, believing Ishvi was not bothered by him. Ishvi squatted and wrote something on the sand. Jacota lay down on his stomach and crawled over carefully, stopping in front of the words. Jacota could barely read, he had only been going to school for a few months, but his skills were enough to decipher the simple message. Jacota looked up at Ishvi.
    "I'm alright. Where is your talking device?"
    It felt strange to be able to talk in his other forms. Jacota was used to not talking at all and just staying quiet. He worried if Ishvi liked him less if he talked. Ishvi said that he liked dogs more than people and so did Jacota, but dogs didn't talk. Maybe Jacota shouldn't speak...

    Jacota looked Ishvi over briefly and noticed his arm holding the weapon was shaking. Jacota sniffed at it, whined a bit and looked at Ishvi.
    "Are you okay? Is that knife hurting you?"
    Jacota's ears pressed down and his tail was swaying anxiously as he looked at the dagger again. Jacota ruffed at it, as if it was a sentient being hurting Ishvi. Of course it wasn't, Jacota knew that. It was mostly instinct.
     
  6. Boop
    Boop

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    Ishvi recognized Jacota's voice and blinked in surprise, making a soft "oh" sound. It didn't exactly cheer him up to see the dog boy, his current mood suffocating anything resembling happiness, but he did feel somewhat better nonetheless. His wings fluttered as he unfurled them slightly.

    Seeing Jacota in his nightmare form was strange for the half-angel. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone's other than his own, hadn't quite realized what it meant that Jacota was half-nightmare too. Ishvi tentatively reached out his hand part way, then pulled it back, not sure the other boy would be okay with being petted. The shadow dog was oddly beautiful, and kind of made him want to cry from mixed feelings. He'd been raised to hate his other half, still had internalized everything saying he was less because he was a half-breed - he didn't hate nightmares, certainly didn't hate Jacota.

    Suddenly he was a little relieved he couldn't talk. Everything was too confusing. He gestured to his side and shrugged when asked about his phone. These feelings weren't helping him calm down, though they weren't entirely unpleasant. Then Jacota pointed out his dagger, and Ishvi was overwhelmed by a wave of guilt. "I!" It was a strangled, distressed noise, followed by some coughing at the discomfort. He shoved his hands behind his back, nodding a little, unable to look Jacota in the eyes.
     
  7. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    #7 EmiRose, Jun 18, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2018
    Jacota was a bit tense. He could see, feel, that Ishvi was not feeling that well. Jacota was sharp regarding moods, like most dogs. And he felt, willingly or less so, the need to make people feel better. That instinct was the dog part of him and a philosophy his parents had taught him. But after his years on the streets, facing so much distrust and anger, Jacota couldn't help but fight against that instinct.
    For some reason however, Jacota really didn't want Ishvi to feel bad. He whined a bit and slowly went closer, as close as he could go without both of them feeling uncomfortable. Jacota's ears pressed down a bit and his tail wagged when Ishvi seemed to realize it was Jacota.

    This was also Jacota's first time seeing human-shaped nightmare form and he sniffed at Ishvi carefully and curiously. He looked at his wings, how they unfurled slightly, and kind of wanted to touch them. But that would've been really rude and intrusive so instead Jacota lowered his head a bit and pressed his ears down, embarrassed.
    "Your wings look nice."
    Jacota said silently and kept his head in place to show he was sincere. Averting gaze would've beem mean.
    When Ishvi reached out his hand halfway and seemed like he was going to pet Jacota at first he was happy and wagged his tail. Jacota liked Ishvi's pets. But then he realized he was in nightmare form. He had no physical form. So when Ishvi didn't pet Jacota after all he felt mix of relief and disappointment.

    Jacota whined a bit confused when Ishvi gestured and shrugged, unable to understand what he meant. And he flinched, even more confused, at Ishvi's reaction to Jacota's question. He lifted his feet in place a bit and whined, sniffing at Ishvi's hand he had put behind his back.
    "You are not fine. Is it because of me?"
    Jacota tried to sound indifferent but his concern and guilt crept into his voice and his ears drooped a bit.
     
  8. Boop
    Boop

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    Ishvi wasn't that great at reading moods or being social, but Jacota's doglike ear and tail movements were simple and honest, much easier to decipher than normal people's. He felt somewhat relieved that Jacota wasn't hurt, forgetting his own depression for a moment because he worried about what had caused the dog boy's howling. But he couldn't ask right now, didn't want to intrude anyway.

    The closeness didn't bother him at all. He wasn't a touchy feely guy, and was careful about intruding on other people's boundaries, but his own need for personal space was actually fairly small. Besides, this was Jacota, who was somehow both a person and a dog. In a way his presence was comforting, even though Jacota's nightmare form, Jacota himself, left Ishvi with a muddle of confused feelings.

    Jacota's compliment certainly did not help with that. Almost instinctively, Ishvi shook his head, mouthing out unvoiced denials, even as his wings spread out slightly more before he pulled them back in. Usually the half-angel wasn't so flustered by compliments. Then again, he usually didn't recognize them. And this, this was his nightmare form - the half that always got him hurt, made it obvious he wasn't an angel. Why were things so complicated?

    The panic and guilt when Jacota had pointed out the dagger was made even worse when he saw how upset the dog boy was, blaming themself. Ishvi shook his head again, trying to figure out how to explain something that would've been hard to say even with words. Then he sat down on the ground, carefully putting the dagger by his side, and holding out his hands palm up so Jacota could see. It was hard to tell against the darkness, but the hand that had been holding the dagger was badly burnt, the other one scarred as well.
     
  9. EmiRose
    EmiRose

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    Jacota's automatic reaction to most things was alert and suspicioun, and he was mostly fine with it. Jacota knew the world was a hard, cruel place and though Jacota hurt himself by hurting others it never ached him for too long. It was better being hurt inside than being dead.
    But Ishvi's reaction made Jacota a bit more upset than he was comfortable admitting to himself. The man shook his head and tried to say something, Jacota guessed denials. Jacota felt embarrassment and guilt but didn't want to take it back. He had meant it. Jacota whined a bit and his ears drooped but as Ishvi's wings spread a bit again his tail wagged. Jacota looked at Ishvi with a bit of concern.
    "Why do you not like yourself?"
    Jacota didn't like himself either so his tone also had sympathy. He knew how Ishvi felt. But Jacota wanted to know why, since his self-hate stemmed from guilt. Jacota had never been ashamed of what he was, but who he was. And he was a murderer. Jacota had caused his parents' deaths and killed people with his own fangs. Jacota didn't feel guilt about killing those people, they had deserved it. But his parents had to suffer and die because of Jacota. So, Jacota hated himself.
    But for some reason Jacota didn't want Ishvi to hate himself.

    When Ishvi sat down Jacota lay down with him, inching a bit closer as he did. And when Ishvi showed Jacota his hands he crawled even closer to sniff them. Jacota could smell his hands were wounded, and immediately he was concerned and wanted to help. Jacota whined and tried to lick the burns. But his tongue would just go right through Ishvi's hand, leaving behind a small tingling sensation. Jacota's ears drooped, he couldn't even do this right.
    Jacota turned his attention to the dagger and growled at it.
    "Why did that hurt you?"
    Jacota asked, keeping his eyes on the dagger like it was a literal threat that could pounce at any moment and try to hurt Ishvi again.
     
  10. Boop
    Boop

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    Ishvi was in denial about most of his feelings, still instinctively wanting to cover them up, even though he couldn't lie to himself any more than he could lie to anyone else. He was a half-breed with a hatred that had quite literally been bred into him. He was weak, lost, not an angel. Every word he'd ever heard at home all turned inwards. At his core, the half-angel s-still believed he was less than a real angel, worthless. He kept failing, and now he was only proving them right by falling. And no one on this island seemed to understand that angels had to be perfect.

    And now it was a struggle to shift back. Just being like this made him feel sick, and he wanted his phone, wanted to explain, wanted to talk to Jacota. With a sigh, Ishvi just shrugged. There wasn't much else he could do. He didn't know himself well enough to be able to write this down. He made an attempt, writing "only half" in the sand, then shook his head, knowing it wouldn't be understood.

    When Jacota licked, tried to lick his hand, Ishvi was too surprised to pull it back right away. Then he just blinked, making a little "Wha?" sound. For a moment he thought he'd gone intangible without intending to, but then he realized it was the shadow dog. The distraction was enough to let him shift back briefly and retrieve his phone, though his stress was too high for him to stay out of nightmare form for long.

    Now that he could sort of talk, he didn't know what to say. Shame at what he was made him curl up his wings again. "I'm falling. My dagger is an angel's weapon." He didn't know if Jacota would understand. No one here did, even the ones who knew what falling angels were. He was alone. Any angel that would know what it meant would hate him. If Ishvi could cry in this form, he would've been. "It's not dangerous. It won't hurt you. You'll be okay."
     


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